When women from the far-flung areas become battered wives, we are not surprised. We readily assume that these are not educated, they do not know their rights, and hence, they cannot defend themselves.
So the government targets the women in the rural areas, educating them on their rights and responsibilities, arming them with the necessary skills so that they will not fall prey to battering husbands.
What a shocking surprise it is then to know that educated women, working women, women who are in the government service allow themselves to be battered, physically, emotionally, psychologically!
Read this. Belle (not her real name) is a frontline staff in a government agency in Tacloban City. She is a smart staff, otherwise, she will not be assigned as a front liner. But what was described to the writer last night, is far from the Belle she used to know. Belle is lost, confused, disoriented.
Late yesterday afternoon, two social worker friends, answered to a call for help from a college student whose mother sent her a text message asking the daughter to save her because she has been lacked in her house for days.
Belle, the mother, was living with a partner in one of the housing villages in Tacloban City. Her live-in partner lacked her up and did not allow her to leave their abode as a punishment for giving him only P1,500.00 from her winning of P10,000.00. Belle gave the lot of the winning to her daughter and son, who are both studying and who needed the money for their tuition fees.
When the composite team together with the daughter to the abode of her mother, they practically had to pull her out of her abode. The live-in partner who was leaving the abode when the team arrived, came back to sweetly ask Belle to eat first. He was told by the social workers to just talk to her at the women's desk of the Tacloban City Police Station.
Why did Belle not seek help earlier? She said that her live-in partner threatened to show her delicate video to her office mates and that she was afraid he might harm her children as well.
Belle and her daughter are now in the custody of the Haven. What a shock that she has never heard of RA 9262.
There are many other faceless Belles in the bureaucracy. Several of them, we know. The story of Belle is an eye opener that even educated women, women in the government service, are themselves victims of wife battering.
For another government worker, Thel, it was just a slap. He apologized. He said he'd never do it again. But he did do it again and the next time he hurt her. He was contrite. She was confused. In the years after the first slap, the violence escalated. She was hospitalized twice. But she didn't leave. She loved him. He said he loved her. And he was always so sorry afterwards. It's so difficult but it is very important to understand why she stayed and what she can do to break the cycle of battering.
Most of us have a need to see only the good in people, especially the people we love. When the 'love' signal is mixed with the "violence' signal, it's very difficult to see the violence for what it is. This is especially true if the violence has gone on for long periods of time, or if there is a long period between violent episodes.
Indeed, it is true that for every effect, there is a cause. Battered women often feel, or are made to feel, that they are to blame for their battering. It is very difficult for them to place the responsibility where it belongs, to the batterer. Some people have said that a battered woman is very much like a prisoner of war because she is often dependent on her batterer emotionally and physically.
A batterer is often verbally as well as physically abusive. He may tell his victim that she is worthless and that he is the only one who will ever love her. At the same time, he tells her that she doesn't deserve his love. The batterer might also try to isolate his victim from the friendship of others, from participating in social activities or from holding a job. He wants total control. And one way he gets it is by beating down his victim's sense of self.
Many women feel that they would not be able to make it on their own if they left the batterer, or if the batterer were jailed. A woman may worry that, without a mate, she won't be able to support herself or her children. These are very real concerns and must be addressed by any intervention.
A battered woman needs to talk to people who can help. Friends and relatives can be supportive and helpful, sometimes providing emotional stamina, which the victim does not have, for herself.
It is about time, the plight of the women in government service be looked into. It is time the women in government create women's advocacy groups to help the battered woman leave her battering relationship and turn her life and the lives of her children around.
